The Journey from Meeting to Marrying my Indian Husband
Our journey is full of loss and gain, faithful and trusting steps, bold, uncharacteristic moves, and a God that has orchestrated an unlikely story by His grace.
The summer of 2012 was my (Elizabeth) first exposure to Jaipur. Staying in the city for 2 months on an internship grew my love for the city and its people. I learned a lot and toward the end of that trip, I knew God had more for me here. I left with every intention of returning.
In 2011, due to uncontrollable circumstances, Adi returned to India after studying for his masters and working in hospitality in Australia. His intention was not to return, making this move back a painful loss of hope for a future outside of India. Upon his return, he took up the work and passion of freelance photography. In his effort to grow, he displayed his photos in a local restaurant.
A woman from Singapore saw those photos and contacted Adi asking him to take her around the city and teach her to take photos. When she went, she asked another guest at her guest house who she had become friends with, Megan, to go with her. Megan would later become the person who would introduce Adi and I.
When Adi and I met in January of 2015, it was my first month back in India since 2012. I had finished college, worked, and raised up a group of support as I made the life changing move. I was fresh, eager, and excited to meet people, but told not to be overly friendly with men as to not give the wrong impression of who I was and how "easy" I may be. I was overwhelmingly aware of that and mostly just stayed away from male interaction altogether. But, when Megan and I ran into Adi at a local event, she stood and talked to him as any friend would, and I hid behind her, head down and eyes nowhere near connecting with his. Even when introduced, I barely even glanced at him.
I think about this day often. I laugh, first at how sad the reality is that foreign women are seen so poorly here, but also because of how ridiculous I must have looked and how rude I may have come across. Thankfully, Adi only remembers meeting that day, and doesn't carry any sort of negative first impression of me.
Over the next 2 years, Adi experienced more painful loss and traveled. I did my best to navigate the ups and downs of life as an expat in India doing my best to function in a completely different world than my own. We both felt a bit of uncertainty around our futures. I knew that if I wanted to stay in India (which I did), I would need to explore business or work opportunities that aligned with my heart to serve the community in a unique way. Adi's photography business was taking off, but was going in a direction that didn't bring him joy in his work.
On December 31, 2016, while having tea on a rooftop cafe with a friend, I recognized Adi, who was siting with his friend. At this point, I had grown in my ability to interact with men I knew and had a bit more confidence, but what I did next still surprises me to this day. In uncharacteristic boldness, I walked up to Adi (we both still remember exactly where we were sitting and who we were with) and asked if he remembered me, Megan's friend. I told him that I have a business idea (a studio space for female creatives) and wanted his input as a freelance photographer. I think I instinctively knew he was a gem, an honest, trustworthy, kind soul who I could really benefit learning from. He agreed, we exchanged numbers, and we went back to tea with our respective friends. When I ask him about this day, he doesn't have much to say other than it felt normal for me to approach him. I think for whatever reason, we both just knew that this was a safe place.
A few weeks later, we meet at the same tea shop and he sits in the same seat as before. We talk under the February sun (the BEST kind of sun in Jaipur), catching each other up on the major events of life that has brought us to where we are. I share with him my thoughts about the shared creative studio and how I would be doing this with another expat friend's company. Right away, without taking control of the conversation, Adi shared with me his thoughts on the business idea, helping me to see the holes, but genuinely finding the idea to be a good one.
After sitting for four hours talking, we find that my car has been towed from the cafe. Adi quickly asks the guard where it has been taken. I thank him for asking and start booking a cab, telling him he can go. He kindly offers to go with me to help, saying this isn’t something he would feel comfortable leaving me to do alone. I had no idea what I was getting into, and took the offer of help. We jump in the taxi and start the car search. Thankfully, the guard told us the correct location and we find ourselves in a rundown government building running here and there to get copies of necessary paperwork to free my car. (I would have had NO CLUE if I did this alone.) Adi asked me to hold the papers, but stood in lines for me, helping, but maintaining healthy boundaries. I saw his true colours that day, colours of service, hospitality, and defending the vulnerable. He clicked a photo that day. I’m not entirely sure why he did, but it is a treasure now.
Originally, the business plan was going to be implemented as a project under another expat friend's company. The news of that no longer being an option came a few months after Adi and I’s first meeting when they decided to move out of the country. This was devastating to me. Not only was it a loss of friends, but it was also the loss of what I thought my future in India would look like, the company structure to plug in to, and male support, a necessary component in business in a patriarchal society.
It took me some time to process that news which came the same day my parents arrived in India for the first time. To say it was an overwhelmingly hard week is an understatement. I think deep down I knew Adi would be the perfect business partner, but I didn’t know how society and those around us would react. There is an unfortunate stigma around white females, and in turn, a negative stigma on the Indian men seen with them. I knew this and wondered if that would be too big a barrier for Adi to agree to business with me. But I knew, if there was any chance of Adi agreeing to a business partnership, I would want my parents to meet him. So, in another move of boldness, I asked Adi to meet them during their week long visit. In Indian culture, when you meet the parents, it is almost always because there is an intention of marriage. Adi was very reluctant because that was NOT his intention, nor mine. After explaining to him that they would not take it that way, but rather as them meeting my friend, he agreed, although still reluctant. The meeting was awkward, but went well, and I was grateful it happened.
After processing the loss and need for a change in business structure, I asked Adi to consider partnering with me in business. He took his time in deciding, weighing the cost and risk on his own photography business. I appreciate this so much about him, his calculation and assessment of risk and gain, how logically he thinks about things, but is willing to move forward without having all the answers.
The process of starting the business was hard, full of frustration, fear, trust, disappointment, communication failures and successes, joy, compromise, growth, and a whole lot of coffee for me and oreo milkshakes for him.
Over the course of the next several years of doing business together on a daily basis, our trust in each other solidified even more. There were seasons of pain (health issues for me, land drama for him, the 2020 pandemic, simply just running and making decisions in a business, etc.) that rocked us. Sometimes our patience grew thin and we questioned if we had made the right choice, but we always seemed to make it out with more appreciation and respect for the other. He was a safe place for me to vent about the struggles of living in India as a female, and I was a safe place for him to processes what he was learning about himself as an Indian male. He bailed me out of car jail a few more times and I continued to frustrate him by running chronically late. We didn’t know it then, but I believe that this is truly where the foundation of our relationship started and why I give it so much importance now. We were committed to serving the freelancers and entrepreneurs of Jaipur and making this business work, and made a choice to work through our issues for the better of our business. The ability to communicate, understand each other’s personalities and cultures, and disagree well are gifts that came from this season that are so invaluable to us now.
Our conversations turned to more meaningful and life-impacting topics as we sat in the meeting room over breakfast each morning at The Maker's Space, what we now consider to be our "daily dates". We cried. We disagreed. We laughed. We changed our minds. We considered the future. And as we did all those things, we realised we didn’t want a future without the other. He was sure of it and faithfully waited on me. I tiptoed around the idea until my heart became more at peace as we matured. To be completely honest, in 2021 and early 2022, I was in a season of really questioning how much longer I could make it in India. As an expat who had been here for 7 years at that point, my heart was beginning to become raw from the constant friction of culture. I felt like an imposter (all my imposter syndrome friends say “hey!”). India didn’t feel like home. And I was fearful to commit my forever to India. Adi had proven himself. India hadn't.
When I voiced this to Adi, his response was full of grace and understanding, but also one with a reality check, expressing that “home” doesn’t have to be a geographical location, and wherever we are together, we are home. Total cheese fest for those who haven’t lived the expat life or who aren’t in an intercultural relationship and never really feel at "home" anywhere in the world, but for me in the moment, that answer was a gift. By the grace of God, I unclenched my fists holding my fears and comforts, and we decided to walk forward in faith knowing God would walk with us.
On May 21, 2022, Adi and I, along with his mother and sister, went to a nearby heritage hotel and got engaged by exchanging rings. It was planned, like Adi is accustomed to in an Indian engagement, but done privately together, like I am accustomed to in the US. We celebrated with our families (his in person and my via video call) where they exchanged gifts as two families coming together. It was simple, quiet, and the perfect blend of cultures.
Adi and I truly are better together than we are apart, and there are things we can do as a team that we can’t do alone. We are convinced that God has given us the gift of each other for a reason and has a great purpose for us. We are eager to journey together with more trusting steps, bursts of boldness, and uncharacteristic moves.
Thanks be to God.
